Tiny Personal Hell OTW: the wrong kind of humidity
plus: I am the only person I know not watching The Traitors
Welcome to Welcome to Hell!!!. This is a newsletter/blog/whatever of sometimes deep (but mostly dumb) thoughts on life & stuff, irregularly authored by Emmy-losing comedy writer Alison Zeidman.
Here we are once again, and everything is still trash! Fascism doesn’t take days off!
So once again, as a little treat, let’s indulge in some complaining about totally inconsequential problems that don’t actually matter:
Tiny Personal Hell(s) of The Week
Curly/wavy/whatever hair problems
From I guess around 2018-2020, while living in Los Angeles, I had a haircut that finally made it make sense for me to wear my hair naturally. I didn’t have to do anything at all, and it looked great, in any kind of weather. The higher the humidity the better, in fact.
Then I moved back to the east coast, and it just wasn’t the same. Arguably it should’ve been GREAT for my hair, because here in the NYC-Philly-DC area it gets swampily humid at even the hint of warm weather, even in winter. I don’t know if it was because I wasn’t getting the exact same haircut, or if my hair texture just changed as I got older, but I’ve long theorized that the main issue was the change in climate (not to be confused with climate change — remember, this is the part of the newsletter where we focus on the small stuff).despite the whole “it’s a dry heat” thing, Los Angeles does have its own kind of humidity, and whatever kind that is, it’s frigging great for my hair.
Then recently I was explaining this to a friend and he was like “It’s not humidity. It’s smog,” and obviously like…duh. I’m an idiot, because that never even occurred to me. But I guess forget everything you’ve been told, air pollution is good and someone should bottle that shit and sell it to me to put in my hair.Yes I reference The Traitors at the top of this thing but no I still have not actually seen The Traitors
In the last 72 hours, I have listened to two different people, completely independently, rave about how great this show is, even if you’re someone who doesn’t watch Reality TV and you have no idea who anyone is (which is me). Reality TV is a huge gap in my cultural knowledge and I increasingly feel like I ought to at least be taking more of an interest, like, anthropologically. And now, it seems not only am I out of the loop on the dominant cultural conversation, I’m not even in the loop on the conversation about the conversation. And frankly, it’s not only personally disservicing (sure, that’s a word), it’s borderline irresponsible. To be a human in 2026 who just “never really got into” The Bachelor/Bachelorette multiverse is basically the same as being a physicist who just “never really got into” protons.
So anyway — I might start watching The Traitors.Everyone hating on em dashes
Yes, A.I. likes to overuse em dashes. But you know who else likes to overuse em dashes? ME! Hashtag not all em dashes.
And now for some stuff that’s pretty good, actually:
It’s been reallllly nice outside
Nice spring weather makes me want to hang out at the bar at Southwark, even though it’s inside. They leave the door open and it’s just very airy and nice and the bartender is a real mensch. Tim and I went the other night and it was perfect.
Last month, with Peggy’s vet visits adding up (not to mention the bill for the 50,000 PEGSTRONG bracelets I ordered), I decided it might finally be time for me to go out and get myself a “real” job. And against all the odds in this job market, a) I found one and b) It’s a job I actually like??? I’m the new Marketing Manager at Quirk Books, and so far it rules. Lots of opportunities for humor and creativity, and in a field full of smart book people who understand and respect deadlines — what more could I ask for? Bonus: I forgot that full-time 9-5 jobs come with the perk of “fewer free hours every day to spend spiraling into despair and insecurity and self-hatred,” which I am very much enjoying. I’m one of those people who confusingly functions much better as a person and is far more productive and disciplined as a writer the less free time I have, because instead of developing nice hobbies my favorite pastime has always been being mean to myself if I’m not actively sitting over my keyboard going clickety-clackety. If I were a TikTok video a cool teen would caption me with something like, “the late stage capitalist urge to hate myself for not being "‘productive'.’” (Only a lot snappier and more succinct than that, because I am not a cool teen.)
I’m currently writing something where everything just KEEPS. GOING. WRONG. for the characters, so for inspiration I’ve been reading and watching a lot of things where the characters are either a) relentlessly punished by the writers b) endlessly self-destructive or c) both. So far that includes includes re-reading this, starting this, rewatching UnCut Gems and Baby Reindeer, and finishing Half Man (which was absolutely WHOA). If anyone has other recommendations in that vein please send ‘em my way.
I subscribe to a Substack writer who recommended this album this week because a Substack writer they subscribe to recommended it last week, and now I, too, am recommending it.
OK that’s it, time to leave abruptly! Bye!