Lol who does that?
Hi, hello, it’s been just over a month since my mom died. Death itself isn’t funny, but there are so many things around death and dying that are just so absurd, they’re not not funny, so, here’s another funny (?) story related to my mom dying:
After the service at the funeral home, everyone got in their cars and joined the line for the drive to the cemetery. Tim and I were first, behind the funeral director’s car and the hearse. He was driving and I was feeling pretty numb, just thinking about how surreal it felt to be burying my mom almost exactly 9 years after we buried my dad, with almost exactly the same service, but this time driving to the cemetery in my OWN car with my OWN family and hosting the shiva to follow at my OWN house (hashtag adulting amiright?) and then something incredible happened:
My mom came back to li OK no just kidding not that incredible, but pretty close: Someone cut off the hearse!
The funeral director was leading us onto the on-ramp to 295, and then the hearse was about to follow, but then this guy — this fuckin’ guy — sped up and got in there first. And then — and then! — he tried to use the shoulder to pass the funeral director while we were still on the on-ramp. Like, my dude, you can’t wait two more seconds ‘til you’ll have six whole lanes to vroom vroom past the mourners? Hilarious.
Tim was livid (I think he actually said, “Look at this fuckin’ guy!”), but my initial reaction was a bit delayed. I thought, well, maybe the guy didn’t realize it was a hearse….But then I thought, wait, no, it’s a HEARSE.
What possible reasonable explanation could there have been for doing that? Maybe he was racing to the hospital with someone in the back of his car who was almost dead, and he saw the hearse and thought like, “Sorry for your loss losers but we still have time!!!”? Unlikely. And even then…still. Wow.
So then we just laughed and laughed. Because what else are ya gonna do when some dumbfuck is being such a comically over-the-top gaping wide asshole? So here’s to you, Mr. gaping wide asshole guy. I am honestly just impressed.
Oh man, hahaha. That guy is all hole, no guy. Driving classes and stuff never mentioned funeral ettequette (or I wasn't paying attention)(that's more likely), so when I was just starting to drive, I got in the middle of a funeral train and everyone was like, beeping at me and shit. I didn't know until later that I royally fucked up and boy was there egg on my face. I, too, have been a holeperson.